Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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