so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
