i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
