Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
