is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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