Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize