I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
