Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
