my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
