he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
