I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
