shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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