I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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