but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
