I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
