dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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