Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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