so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
