Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize