shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
