remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
