i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
why do cheetos always look like penises
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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