i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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