If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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