I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize