so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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