i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
