You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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