i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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