Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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