she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
