I can tuck mytits in my pants
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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