I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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