Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
