Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
