She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
