Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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