I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
