I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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