Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
