i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
