I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
