2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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