Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
