Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
