oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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