I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm bleeding and have questions
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
