I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
