I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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