every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
