The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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