He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i think i scared a bird with my dick
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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