It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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