I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize
