Moan for me like Helen Keller
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize