I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
