Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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