Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
