What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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