I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
