kristin has been a bad kristin
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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