i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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