She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I need water and some morals
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
