happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
