Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
