thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
