I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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