Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
