Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
