I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just pee around me
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
