Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
