He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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