But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
