like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
