marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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