hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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