Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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