Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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