im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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