I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
