I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
