Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
