I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
