i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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