i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
