Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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