Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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