Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
