Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize