i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
