Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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