I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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