just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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