I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I have feelings that need drinking.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
