Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
A+ Viking dick
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
