I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
