guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
