I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
