I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
