I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
