just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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