i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
