like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize