Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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