it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
