Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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