well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Of course I have a pirate flag
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
